Q: Are we not men?

     You may have heard of a band called DEVO.  Many people know them as a one-hit-wonder from the 80's, and those people are either stupid or deprived.  In 2010, they released a surprisingly good album called "Something for Everybody", a criticism of western society at the time. Here, check it out:

     Good, right?

     There's a song in there called "No Place like Home", which at first listen, sounds like a pretty straightforward condemnation of how we're destroying the planet and fucking ourselves over.  However, in the context of the entire album, it comes across more as Mark M. expressing emotional agony over some loss in his life.  It's driven home by the line "Can't have a rainbow without the rain, can't have a painting without the pain, can't have a lover walk out without the love leaving with them."

     With that line in mind, I've been experimenting with digital painting, so brace yourself for the pain.

     I started with some already existing sketches.  I know you still probably don't know/care what a beholder is, just bear with me.

     Bob Ross I'm not, but then again I don't think he would dabble in this particular genre.  I'm a bit of a pioneer, when you think about it.

     Ok, I was actually pretty pleased with this one, which is kind of embarrassing.  Of course there are still problems, the anatomy is a bit wonky and the head fin doesn't really line up with the face, but it's probably the best colouring I've done so far.

     Something went wrong here.  I didn't exactly set out to make "Owen Wilson with a Railgun" but that is what happened.  It was all going well until the face, and then I realized the gun perspective was off and it was also a little crooked.  Ah well, at least I kind of managed to make it look glowy, so it's not a total failure.

     Here's another comic that 4 people will understand.  Also I guess the joke has sort of been done already by Justin Roiland in the form of "Gazorpazorpfield".  Whatever, I don't think he'll mind.  What's he going to do, anyway?

Answer: We are DEVO

Dumb Nerd Shit

      Like it says in the title, I draw a lot of dumb nerd shit.  I think I was 7 the first time I played Dungeons & Dragons, so now I blame Gary Gygax for permanently ruining me.  We live in a time where all my hyper-dork hobbies as a kid are celebrated now, and I kind of hate it.  I'm trying to be an outcast over here, even if it is way easier to get a group together to throw dice these days.

     I have this problem where I still buy sourcebooks for roleplaying systems, even if I have no intention of ever playing them.  I usually liked the art.  It was rarely by professionals in the early days, so it was page after page of bizarre and upsetting outsider art.  For every Frank Frazetta, Boris Vallejo, or Moebius working for Heavy Metal, there was an Errol Otus and a Kevin Siembieda, confusing the hell out of you.   I can't quite capture the vague off-puttingness of, say, a RIFTS sourcebook, but I AM obsessed with fantastic creatures experiencing high school drama.

      BEHOLD! I know Beholders aren't supposed to have bodies BUT I'M CHANGING THE RULES I'M THE DM.

     I'd smile like that too if I could cast "Protection from Law (Sor/Wiz) 1"

     Mind Flayers about to throw down on a headcheese sandwich.  Ok enough dork stuff, this next one is called "Tom Waits for a pizza".

     Alright I lied one more dork thing.  It's a mash-up of my experiences living in Dartmouth, N.S., with some waaaaaacky Lovecraft thrown in.

     It's too bad there isn't a larger crossover between Lovecraft fans and people who've lived in Dartmouth, because otherwise I just come off as calling people mean names.  I've never been to the Dartmouth in England, but I'd like to think they have roving hooligans bumming smokes too.
  
     Anyway if that drawing looks less like shit than usual, it's because I'm getting better with the tool selection.  It's all coming along.

Dump Cakes

  
     I'm still at it, don't worry.  Or worry, whatever.  Here's a bunch of stuff that I've worked on but maybe not finished.  I need to get better at linework still, but my sketches are getting noticeably better.  Observe:

     I think it's pretty clear that this guy is a winner, regardless of whether he has that belt or not.  The belt is great though.

     I accidentally drew Mega Man.  You know Mega Man, right? Of course you do, he's a Nintendo character and that's all anybody seems to give a fuck about these days.  After I did this I realized he needed some new enemies, and it was on me to create them.

     If you defeat a Mega Man boss, you gain his power.  Can you guess what power you gain from defeating "Babyface Fucknuts"? The answer may surprise you!

     Next is Axenose Manguy, with the devastating power of having an axe for a nose.  Nintendo, if you're reading this, I'm for sale.

     The fantastical powers of D.J. Dirty Dants are self-evident and need no explaining.

     His partner in rhyme, M.C. Fancy Pance, will dazzle you with his mad style.

     Mega Man, maybe you should just not bother trying to fight Existential Crisis Man.

     Kick me in the Stuff Man may actually be the most difficult robot master to defeat, as your initial instincts actually play right into his hands.

     Dr. Not actually a Robot is hiding a dark secret, defeat him to find out what it is!

   
     The Stab Bird has no time for this, is leaving, and taking the Mega Man premise with him.  *FWOOSH*

      This is Hommir Simmsa, a completely original creation of mine in no way inspired by anything.  Look at how much fun he is having!  Surely there is enough material in this character for three decades of rock solid entertainment.

     Ok calm down Hommir, HOMMIR CALM DOWN PUT DOWN THE GUN HOMM-

     I really tried to not give this woman a broken spine, but I'm only one man.  

     The entire basis of this picture is the mouth.  The mouth was the first part drawn and everything flowed around it.  The mouth.

     There's a trend online of people drawing "sexy demon girls", like taking old-school pin-up styles and adding wings and horns and uh, pitchforks...sulfur.  Demon stuff.  I started out ok with the body, things got away from me a little bit when it came to the head.

     So that's some of what I've been doing.  I have endless folders filling up with more but most of it is either really similar to this or worse.  I've also been screwing around in flash again, working towards releasing a cartoon with some actual animation.  Don't hold your breath on that one though, if I really buckle down on it I might have it out by December. 

Dump cakes,

Nick

Open Mic Night

     I switched over to a different drawing program recently.  It's called Manga Studio (I know, weeb territory) and it seems like it's better for this kind of thing than Photoshop.  This strip was done with Manga Studio -

     And this series was done with Photoshop -

     I don't have an awful lot to say this time!

Why hasn't anyone thought of this yet, it's so obvious

     Not that I haven't been putting effort into Shitty Wizards lately, but I really think it's the kind of thing that deserves my best.  Towards that end I've been a little scrambled on what I focus on with regards to practice.  Right now I'm trying to get a better feel for colour, it can make a mediocre drawing less awful when done right.

      At first I thought maybe I was overusing the neck/chin fat rolls, but after consideration I realized it's not me, it's HUMANS that are overdoing it on the rolls.  I'm just drawing the world as I see it.

      With an eye toward the future, I think it's time we advanced some technologies to the point of making old tools obsolete.  My first proposal is that we develop a system of high-speed travel slots that will allow Slot Goblins to quickly get to us and chew our nails, rendering the classic nail clippers a tool of ages past.

     The advent of the slots would pressure the goblin community to push harder in higher education, improving quality of life for all.

     HORSE DAWWWWWGS!

     FIGHTING EEEEVIL THEY'RE

     HORSE DAWWWWWGS!
     This is my new 80s cartoon idea, still ironing out the merchandising rights but I expect it to be the next big thing.

Monday, Tuesday, Happy DaaaAAAAUUUUUUGH GOD

     I've been doing a lot of repetitive doodling lately, trying to get better at making decent lines.  There are still bad habits I have that need to be dropped but I feel like it's getting easier.  Most of these doodles start out as just swirls and curves, until I can see shapes emerging.  I'm working on more things for Shitty Wizards, but as a quick aside I wanted to try a quick 3 panel dumb thing. 

     It usually takes me forever to get to the point, so I figured trying to pare down a bit would be a good idea.  Still a bit of a stretch for a joke, but at least it's over quickly.

     Other than that, I've been trying to come up with other characters.  Here's one:

     Mr. and Mrs. The Elder Thing.  If remember the second Shitty Wizards I put up, you saw Kathy Lou, who is this couple's daughter.  They behave as stereotypical sitcom parents, except the father is trapped in an endless nightmare of madness and agony due to Elder Things reproducing by absorbing the souls of mortals and feeding off their suffering.  He is still very polite. 

     I can't shake the need to make everything like Saved by the Bell.  I think my entire generation might be a bit ruined by this.
    

La mort de l'Humour

     So colour, huh? I guess it isn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I'm still having issues with perspective but I figure I can cover that up with atrocious jokes.  This is one of the skeleton comics Bob Adobbo is referencing.  It's a good example of what I mean when someone who is actually pretty good at art uses a minimal style and just does tons with it. 

     While I was thinking about horrible open mic comedy, I wondered why Dave Coulier was never on Saved by the Bell.  Imagine Uncle Joey performing at The Max.  What I'm saying is, wizard school needs a The Max.

A foregone conclusion

HNNNNNNGGGGGGG

     So you know what my biggest issue is so far? It's not hands (although that would be a good guess), it's figuring out a good aspect ratio so everything doesn't look like crap.  As I'm typing this I'm pretty sure you can just click on the images I post and hopefully get a better look at them.  When I drew this, everything was huge and filled up my monitor.  After adding it in here, the only options for display are "imperceptibly small" and "break all available website tables".  It's great how I can be generally competent with computers but still know absolutely nothing about formatting.

     The mascot has a name.  It's "Pogrom, Krom's Berserk Murderer".  I know in the Conan mythos it's spelled "Crom" but who knows, that might be protected by copyright or something.  I didn't put in a frame showing the results of the capture attempt because I think we all know how it's going to go down.

Codename: Cathy Lou

     Have you ever read Achewood? I recommend it.  I might have even recommended it before and forgot, but it bears repeating; Achewood is usually excellent.  As I was putting together another strip I realized a lot of traits for Bob Adobbo are at least reminiscent of and maybe even a little "blatantly ripped-off" from Ray Smuckles.  Look:

  
     The beauty of wizards is that nothing has to make any sense, because a wizard did it.

Amorphous Blobman

     This one went a little better, I think.  I'm trying to not be so fucking lazy, really.  I still have a lot to work on but this is a clear improvement over the last strip.  Behold:

     Blah blah blah, deformed hands the the suggestion of feet.  Still in the habit of drawing things at sizes that don't work very well here, but I'm thinking I might try using Illustrator instead of Photoshop so I can use the vector drawing tools.

     I'm sure names aren't all that important at this point, but the one with the pompadour is Bob(bert) Adobbo, and the fat guy is Aaron M. Blobman, or Morphus.  I need to stop posting these so late at night.